I wake up from a fitful night's sleep, glad that it is time to get up and begin my day. While still half-awake, I feel into my dreams to see if there is anything important there, but the dreamscape is silent. Over the past few nights I've been working a lot in my dreams, getting downloads of unconditional love, so I suppose it's okay to have a dreamless night! Still, I feel a little disappointment that I have nothing to mull over.
Some mornings I slip right into meditation in my cozy bed, but this morning I remember that my guides have been telling me to meditate outdoors, to get more deeply in touch with nature. I go out to the pomegranate tree and arrange myself on the yoga mat with my blanket and drop in. It feels good to hear the birds singing, and I listen to the hummingbirds chasing each other and drinking their morning nectar for a moment before I start my hour of solo practice.
I begin with the breath of fire, waking myself up, and feeding my inner fire with short sharp breaths. As I do the practice, I wake up, and start to feel life force flowing into my body, opening up the same channels that sexual energy flows through. I start to feel warm, and I remove the blanket. As I continue to breath, a smile starts to come to my face, and a happiness fills my belly. Ahhhhh. I feel a deep inner stillness at he center of my belly, surrounded by a gentle warming flame. I feel GOOD.
After the breath of fire, I work with my chakras, breathing into each one and clearing it out. AHHH, this feels good too, like taking my morning shower. my physical and emotional body starts to feel clear and clean and open. I give thanks then, gratitude for everything the day before that gave me joy. And I spend a few more minutes sitting in stillness, listening for what Spirit wants to tell me today. I check in also to see what I need to know for my clients today. What will they need? Usually I get a little taste in my body of one thing that they need most, a guidepost for their healing session.
Now it is time for the day to unfold. I dress and shower, and make my way to the temple. Once there, I prepare the space. This is one of my favorite parts of the day, making the space beautiful, burning incense and sage, lighting candles, playing soft music. I am ready to begin.
My first client arrives and we work on some challenges that are unfolding in her relationships. She wants to learn to center more into herself, to find her power as a woman, and to connect with her own sexual self. I spend an hour listening deeply to her, channeling information from my guides, and teaching her practice. Today we work with movement, because she is ready to release! We dance and breathe and learn to do a deep clearing of each chakra center with the breath and movement. She lets herself move her body and releases deep sounds of anger that she did not even know were store inside of her. Afterward she feels energized and relieved. I send her home with some music to use in her daily practice.
Now it is time for me to attend to business, and I ground myself in the everyday as I answer email, take phone calls, edit the website, and many other mundane tasks. It helps to balance me to spend this time, and rather than feeling resentful about it, I am grateful for the variety in my day.
I take a nice long break at lunch time to care for my body, because for me a large part of the practice of tantra is to care for myself. Today I go to yoga class and eat nourishing food to replenish myself for the afternoon and evening.
Now the day shifts and becomes more intense. I have a red session today-deep and powerful hands-on work. I will be using my sexual / life force energy (and that of my client) to open, to heal old shame and guilt, to allow more freedom and ecstasy in sexual connection, this work often follows for my clients after an intensive study of breath and meditation and movement practice.
I take an hour to prepare the room, lighting candles and incense. I put sheets on the bed, and call in my animal guide allies to hold the space. As I call in Black Jaguar I hear and feel a loud purrrrrr, and I know that this will be a yummy and powerful session, that there will be deep pleasure and an opening.
Once my client arrives we spend 3 hours experimenting with tantric touch. I begin by listening to him share about how the work has been integrating since our last session, a lingam massage. He is excited about learning to move sexual energy through his whole body and starting to have whole body orgasms in his self pleasure practice. Anchored in himself, he's eager today to learn more about sharing this larger sexual / heart / spirit energy with a woman.
We begin with meditation, imagining ourselves to be trees, rooted in the Earth and branched into the stars and the sun. Once we are feeling strong and loved by the Divine, we begin intentionally connecting, flowing our roots together and interweaving our branches as trees do in the forest. We see vines growing from our hearts, connecting and entwining us with love that begins to flow back and forth. As we disrobe, we flow into touch and breath and how to work those together, stay present, and bring diversity to the ways we connect and touch. I show him how to create safety with Earth touch, and I drop into feeling him give that to me. He feels the joy of having a woman totally receive him as a man.
We move to water, total loving touch, then fire, deep sexual passion, and come up into air, tingling and vibrating from all this blissful energy. We keep experimenting as he finds his way into a giving that is as blissful as receiving. Time seems to dissolve as we both push the envelope of the bliss barrier, seeking the place where we can allow ourselves to be bigger, and finding the obstacles that keep us from receiving pleasure. We feel pleasure deeply in our bodies, and still I hear the voice of Spirit speaking gently and quietly in me, helping me to track his energy and his needs in the moment, helping me to be his guide on this blissful ecstatic journey.
My guidance allows me to hold space for him and to give him all the unconditional love in my heart. In the light of that unconditional love, he melts, and his heart opens to a blazing fire, aligned with his body, his lingam, and his Spirit. He tells me that he feels like an eagle, soaring above the earth and seeing all his life and all his relationships in perspective for the first time.
We come back to earth at the end with berries, chocolate, cheese, and crackers, and bask in what feels like the afterglow of sex, even though we haven't actually made love. I feel into how big my energy body feels, and look to see how much his face and eyes have changed from when he came in. He tells me how profoundly the session has changed his perception, and promises to check in a week from now by phone to share how it is integrating into his life.
I say goodbye to my client and turn my mind once again to self care. I have learned that this work requires a lot of that! I shower to ground myself, I sage to bless the space and the work. I go out and walk, I eat. I give thanks for the beauty and healing power of this work and notice how connected I feel to the trees and the birds in the park. Life is good and my heart is full of love and bliss.